Sunday, January 19, 2014
This thought of spiritual-autism won't leave me alone. As I struggle to work out my faith in the unseen, and doubt my doubt of so many invisible realities, I can't help but wonder- is this anything like what our kiddos with autism experience when the 'fog of autism' keeps them from seeing and hearing and socializing 'normally'? ---So, I wrote the rest of this around the end of October 2012 when I was a first-year TA in a preK class of students with autism. (I've since become the teacher in that classroom and I've wanted to expound on these thoughts ever since.) Curious if this resonates / makes any sense at all!? ♥
Many days per week I rock this child.
Many days per week he grabs my face and looks me in the eyes.
More often than not, though, he tosses and turns as if he's not being held.
More often than not, he makes no contact with my eyes.
Recently it occurred to me that I'm a lot like this sweet babe...
I'm held and comforted, all needs supplied, yet I cry and moan for what I think I need or I'm unsure I'll get.
I'm guided and engaged throughout the day, yet I'm so fixated on what's before me, what's tangible -myself, my hunger, my wants- that I actually don't notice Your loving care.
Autism is often described by a sort of relational/social 'fog' -These amazing children are so wired that our faces don't often register, our words don't translate, our prodding goes misunderstood...
And yet sometimes these lovelies mimic our tune, look us in the eye, respond to our tactics -and we rejoice!
Every once in a while I feel like I make some spiritual eye-contact and maybe Heaven rejoices!
Sometimes I get quiet, my toys set aside, my heart pounds beyond my control, and my eyes fix on what is unseen. It's a glorious sight. I try to keep its gaze, but I cannot...