Spiritual Autism

This thought of spiritual-autism won't leave me alone. As I struggle to work out my faith in the unseen, and doubt my doubt of so many invisible realities, I can't help but wonder- is this anything like what our kiddos with autism experience when the 'fog of autism' keeps them from seeing and hearing and socializing 'normally'?  ---So, I wrote the rest of this around the end of October 2012 when I was a first-year TA in a preK class of students with autism. (I've since become the teacher in that classroom and I've wanted to expound on these thoughts ever since.) Curious if this resonates / makes any sense at all!? ♥


Many days per week I rock this child.

Many days per week he grabs my face and looks me in the eyes.

More often than not, though, he tosses and turns as if he's not being held.

More often than not, he makes no contact with my eyes.

Recently it occurred to me that I'm a lot like this sweet babe...

I'm held and comforted, all needs supplied, yet I cry and moan for what I think I need or I'm unsure I'll get.

I'm guided and engaged throughout the day, yet I'm so fixated on what's before me, what's tangible -myself, my hunger, my wants- that I actually don't notice Your loving care.

Autism is often described by a sort of relational/social 'fog' -These amazing children are so wired that our faces don't often register, our words don't translate, our prodding goes misunderstood...

And yet sometimes these lovelies mimic our tune, look us in the eye, respond to our tactics -and we rejoice!

Every once in a while I feel like I make some spiritual eye-contact and maybe Heaven rejoices!

Sometimes I get quiet, my toys set aside, my heart pounds beyond my control, and my eyes fix on what is unseen. It's a glorious sight. I try to keep its gaze, but I cannot...

Prayer

Why do we get all pompous and anxious and stumble over ourselves in prayer? Why do we stare frozen at the windshield instead of enjoying the view it provides? 

We have total permission to communicate badly, to come as the mess that we are.
Permission to be small and ask for what we need as well as what we want.

Permission to be a son or daughter that is so dearly loved our Dad might just give us what we want because we were brave & humble enough to look up.

((This weekend Vintage is having a seminar with Paul Miller, the author if A Praying Life... Just a few thoughts from last night ♥))

Running home: Labor Day weekend....

Sooo great to get to run home on a whim this weekend!!!

We had so much fun catching up with family, little ones, extended family... Every time we get to make the trip we appreciate the closeness to all our favorite faces and places!!

Monday while we were home, just before heading back to raleigh, my dad had a crazy dizzy/heart-attack spell. Crazy. Scary. Not good.

What was good was being there. Helping mom. Transporting Kayla. Hugging and kissing them. Praying and trusting in a God who's so much bigger than our failing bodies and ability to do little more than pray and ask for more and more life. 

Ann Voskamp taught me the art of thanking God for the ugly-beautiful. The hard stuff. The stuff I don't want to thank him for or trust him with. That's where we are.

Our bodies are failing. Our spiritual selves often a wreck too.
Both are dead without the His life-giving Spirit.
And so we rest in Him...

www.naptimediariesshop.com

Pray until you Pray...

Pray until you Pray.
Love those words Raechel shared on SheReadsTruth this week.

This morning I went through the Lord's Prayer as a model for my own, and it was excellent....

"Hallowed be Your Name"
(Your Name is great... Make it great in/through me...)

"Give us our daily bread"
(We are thankful for your provision... may we continue to walk with and trust you in little or in plenty...)

"Forgive us our sins as we forgive all our debtors"
(My sins are great. You know them all too well... May we be quick to forgive and never be those who hold ourselves or others in bondage to any sort of debt...)

It's only day two and prayer & His word in me are on the increase. I have to say, I love that more than taking pictures! True story.

Thanks for the call to read and pray and worship

 in spirit and in truth. 

Guide and direct us and fill us

 so that as we leak & pour out our lives, 

it's you and your spiritual fruit that spills over. 

SheShares — week 1

Take captive every thought...

In 2 Corinthians Paul talks about us living by different standards than the rest of the world... and one thing he mentions is how as Christians we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor.10:5)

While it's true we need to take our wrong-thoughts captive and make them obey, there's a positive spin that we can also apply here... Mark Batterson taught me in his book Primal, that we need to take captive the good thoughts and ideas too!

We need to capture them [in words or pictures] and act on them.

A past coworker used to warn me about letting good things I had started just 'die on the vine'.. She was right... in business and personally- may we take captive these thoughts & ideas and make them obedient to Christ.

Lord, please fulfill in us that which you have set out to fulfill!
Thank you that no word of yours returns void, but it always completes that which it set out to accomplish! (Isaiah 55:11)

Sister's heart...

Kayla told me tonight she accepted Christ at camp last week.

And she wants to be baptized.

I'm really thrilled for her and this journey she's on.

Thanks for those of you who are praying and loving her with me.

Keep keeping her, Lord. Thanks for her sweet sweet heart. May it be soft and pliable in your hands. [and mine also!] <3

Praying for little ones...

(Anna & Kayla at least two years ago...)

My sister and her friend are away at church camp this week....

They went last year too and loved it.

I pray that more than ever they will see and hear the greatness of our God. 

I pray they realize his big big love for them this week!!

Thankful for each couselor and child there.. 

I pray they come home with a fervor that cannot be snuffed out!!

(They let us email them too.. They print the emails daily and give them to the campers! How cool is that!?)

Thanks for your big love, God. Pour it out on all these little ones!! <3