dreaming.out.loud...

so much need all around. so.much.need.

kids without parents, people without homes, beggars at stop-lights, and maybe the one that hits my heart the hardest - kids in bad situations - situations of abuse, neglect, and despair...

I know a little guy who lives in a fog.

And I fear it's for the worst reasons.

I don't know, but I fear there's not a lot of good at home. I fear there's not only an absence of good, but very much a presence of bad. Nearing five years old, survival and protection seem to be his most near-the-surface responses to life.

So, apart from this situation, I've been working on praying aloud. (working on it as of yesterday.) Not writing, not letting thoughts bounce around the walls of my mind, but actually speaking - thanking, asking, pouring out my heart. Writing and 'thinking' prayers are more favorable to me, but maybe only because I forgot there's power in our words -especially spoken words, especially truth+love-filled words to a God who is capable and caring. So today I spoke up. I confessed and thanked and poured out my heart and even asked for a few things. One of the things I asked for was intervention for this little guy. And I'll keep asking for wisdom and discernement and opportunities to impact the situation.

my thoughts have been reeling since...
adoption is a thing.
mentoring is a thing.
what about some kind of family-partnering?

What if we adopted whole families? families that are hurting. families with secrets. families with junk that no one knows how to deal with. What if we partnered with, helped, and supported them? What if we treated them like family, or better. What if we really loved them and helped them get the help they need?

Maybe we could shed light on some terrible situations. Maybe it would be overwhelming and scary, but maybe we would find broken people with the capacity to love and change. Maybe we could save a childhood or two.

((I don't have any idea how or actual capacity to make this happen. I'm dreaming, using my words... asking that God in his goodness would guide and help me help others.))

safe place...

working on writing a little each night... to clear the mind, to pray, to share...

but I have this roadblock when it comes to typing in the blogger window. I feel the need for a safer place. I try evernote and a little private blog space I started a few years ago, but then I tend to keep it all in like writing a love letter and burying it in the dirt. what good is that? well, writing is therapeutic for me and that's why I journal, but sometimes I need to practice using my voice. out-loud-ish. so here we are: being brave in this out-loud-ish space.

made a new friend tonight. precious girl with a hard hard hard hard past. harder than I can actually truly imagine. and yet here she is walking and living and breathing and functioning before my eyes. (and this increases my faith. -in the human spirit and the God who created us fragile, resilient beings with miles of veins and gallons of blood and more minute details than I can fathom. all different. all lovely in some way. terribly broken but terribly full of potential for greatness and wholeness.)

I want to be part of this restoring that Jesus does. the way he makes life from death and redeems the most broken places. he did it for me. and for my new friend. but it's a process and a journey. it's not fast and furious like so much of life (unless it is) - usually it's slow, like wobbly baby steps or grass growing. always in process... so here I am, giving my words, my heart, all of it...

also? this is my first post EVER without an image. craziness.

increasing margins [because we're not the hero]...

when the hairy grad-school-schedule is wearing us down, we increase our margins. we are worker-bees that struggle with this on a regular basis.

we want to work, we want to be productive. we want to do so much that we sometimes find ourselves with zero margins and very little left to give.

so, friday night - dinner & conversation with friends.

and saturday morning - the farmer's market.

precious downtime, how we've missed you!

...................just processing here, but you know what I think the problem is?

I think it's a little hero-complex

like @PastorTyler talks about...

He is the hero. I am the rescued one.

why do I always forget that I don't have to be the hero?

He has already saved the day.
I can rest. I can trust Him.

work is good. even working hard is good.
but when I work like it all depends on me,
something's askew in my heart.
i've forgotten who is the hero 
and who are the rescued ones. 

we get to help because we've been helped,
bless because we've been blessed,
but we don't get to save the day.
that's already been done.

holy ground...

Earth's crammed with heaven
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who see takes off his shoes, 
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.
         –Elizabeth Barrett Browning

stretched...

Grad school has pushed J to say some pretty hilarious things in the past few weeks...

things like...

I guess I'll sleep in December.
Apparently they don't value that here.

and...

Grad school is intense.
It's like getting kicked in the face -- by a ninja!
"Good morning, Hi-YAH!"

haha!!

Truth be told, these have not been easy days... but they have been good.

We are being stretched and pulled in new directions and are praying new prayers with new fervor & diligence!

And as hard as all of that can feel at times,

I wouldn't change a thing.

The blessings have certainly been maximized as we've pressed in!

This is my encouragement and prayer....

2 Cor. 12:9-10

For when I am weak,

then I am strong.

amen & amen.

<3

blessing & cursing...

Proverbs 30 got me this morning...

"If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth. For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife." (vs.32-33)

I have grumbled and complained where I should not.

I have hoped that my complaints would not sound like such, would not be taken as ingratitude, but that they would produce some sort of good. And this just cannot be... It just doesn't work that way. It is true: "a man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7)...

Pressing the nose produces blood... not goodness.

So here I am -putting my hand over my mouth. 

I will not curse, but only bless.. 

I will not grumble & complain in deceit that good will come of it. That is pure lie.

(Jessi made a challenge along these lines a little while back... Good words:  NaptimeDiaries.com)

{{the window pictured above is a collage/painting thing I made in 2009ish for a silent auction-fundraiser for Abiding Village.}}

Mystery of Freedom (by Chip Judd)

Yesterday we went to Victory Christian Fellowship (our kinda-sorta second-home church & where Jeremy's parents regularly attend).

Chip Judd, one of our personal heroes and the founding pastor there, was speaking.

His sermon Mystery of Freedom was so good, I wanted to post my notes here... (That's a link to the audio... If you've got approximately 36 minutes, it's worth the listen!)

VCF- Sun. 7/3/11
Mystery of Freedom -Chip Judd

For all of us, there's a championships we want to win...
[Me: marriage, parent/family, [insert fully defined dream here]]

We proclaim Christ... So that you all may grow up/mature in him..(?)

[I think it was this verse: He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me. -Col.1:28-29]

Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it! (Matthew 7:13-14)

John 8:31-32

Free: the power to direct our actions without the control or influence of any other person or thing; self-directed or governed

One of the greatest obstacles in life= our freedom.

If you really want a life the life of intimacy & impact, you need to find the narrow road... (Matthew 7:13-14)

The mystery of Freedom--
I am free, but...
Freedom is a gift I should never keep.

The moment you keep freedom, you go into slavery --to the meanest master you will ever serve-- yourself!

With self at the center:
...we put ourselves in the place of God.
...we create solutions to our needs / challenges.
...we take ourselves out from under God's protection.

He always has a solution for you!
--but it's not always comfortable
--& we don't always want to hear it!

Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it... (Luke 9:24)

No goal/desire will be achieved w/out self-denial & surrender to something...

You can't get what you want by always getting what you want!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

We seriously love this guy.
Love his wisdom.
Thankful for his speaking it into our lives over the years.

Happy Fourth, blogland! ♥

PS- Shameless husband plug: Jeremy happens to be the builder/designer of Chip's site, so there's the link again, in case you want to check out his handy work. ;)

transitions on my mind...

(basement apt. reserved for us in Raleigh)

What's on my heart really...

Raleigh... moving... clearing the clutter [simplifying before moving]... and enjoying the days/time we have left....

This apt-above-the-garage [where we currently live] has been my abode since college graduation: 10. years. ago. ((How did that many years go by already!?? They've been full and wonderful, almost every one, but ten!? really!?))

And so, as this part of our story comes to a close, we have a whole new chapter ready to be written.

I'm anticipating and welcoming The Raleigh Chapter, but of course I'm a little nervous-excited too.

(Jeremy helping with worship during our last visit. And I got to help with the song-projection!:)

My hopes and dreams for our life ahead:
continued unity in marriage
growth: spiritual & personal
community
meaningful, fruitful work
FUN
Joy & constant thanksgiving (like Ann V. talks about in her book that I'm loving)

Meet His Gaze

Chin up, Child,

Meet His Gaze.

His arms are open wide.

Chin up, child.

Look into My eyes.

Don't be shy.

Don't look away.

Let Me meet you here.

Meet Me.

Meet Love.

My Love,

My Grace,

It is Sufficient.

You are fully loved.

Do not fear;

Take courage.

Keep walking.

I will be with you;

Always.


I will never leave you.

Though man may forsake you,

I will never forsake you.

You are Mine.
I am yours.

Remember.

Always:

Everytime you eat,

Everytime you drink,

Remember my love.

Remember my sacrifice.

It is for you.

I am with you.

Always.

Forever.

You are mine.
I am Yours.

Chin up.

Embrace.

Speak up.

Call out.

Speak Life.

Love.

Nurture.

Go in My strength,

And power,

And might.

[Inspired by a challenge one Sunday during our visit to Raleigh... a Triangle Vineyard Church member spoke up, "Many come with our eyes downcast [ashamed or weary]. Let's lift our eyes and meet His loving gaze."]

mmm...

Thanks for that, Dear Woman.
♥

{{link to comments}}

whispers [in red]

Rescue Complete

Your faithfulness

overflows.

I cannot comprehend its

fullness.

Creator.

Father.

God.

You are Good.

You give us 

all we need.

And then:

Abundance.

Touch-

a comfort 

to me.

You know.

You provide.

[Perfect timing].

I hush myself.

You prod:

Speak, Child.

Where's your 

Faith?

I hold back.

You encourage:

Hug. Speak. Embrace.

Believe.

I speed through.

You temper: 

Peace, Daughter.

Rest.

I strive.

You remind:

You're mine.

I'm already

Pleased.

But I must.

It's needed.

I must

prove

my

worth, 

my

value.

You're mine.

It's finished.

Cease

Striving.

Your Rescue is Complete.

{Thankful to get some margins this morning. Need more stretches of stillness.}
Also: Props to my encourager Jill who helps remind me to 'cease striving. wait and see how He rescues.'

3 simple resolves...

My general goals for 2011:

• Read more.

• Reflect more.

• And take more action.

Baby step #1... 

I started by finishing my December read... the dip by Seth Godin. 

Three word review: HELPFUL. informative. wise-words-for-guidance. 

(Okay, that's six, but still... )

Baby step #2...

A new journal to start the new year!!!! 

Action Method by behance

I LOVE JOURNALS.. more than blogging; it's true!

And this one... leads to ACTION!! :)

space for dreaming and DOing!

Which leads me to Baby step #3...

an opportunity to take some action.

http://www.charitywater.org/

My dear friend Claire is working on a Big little project and I've been considering ways I could help.

Honestly this idea didn't come from those considerations as hoped, but instead came from a fast-food-fried-chicken-craving I was having on the way home from work this week.... 

Jeremy was eating with his family, I had a $5 bill to spare, and could imagine no other excuse not to cave to my craving and have what I call an at-least-monthly-guilt-free-'chicken-day' 

...UNTIL I thought of the water project. 

(Booo! said my stomach, but Yay! said my heart) --I promptly reminded my stomach [& taste buds] of the yummy black beans they could have instead and proceeded to steer the car home.

So, in the spirit of helping Claire [by helping a community get clean water that they currently don't have access to!], and helping my own health & well-being [by not indulging in fast-food-fried-chicken], I shall abstain from my at-least-monthly-guilt-free-chicken-days this year. And instead give at least $5 per month to charity:water.

Furthermore, I will abstain from all fast food eating this year (sooo sorry, CFA, I WILL MISS YOU!!!) and any vending machine indulgences I may or may not be wishing for in the middle of a long office workday, and will instead add at least $2 per month. (The donation can always be more if I feel led to make any extra fast food or vending machine stops but don't.)

There you have it.

A little self-sacrifice and a whopping $84 this year.

Not a lot, but it's something.

Please know that I share this not to celebrate myself, but to promote this worthy cause -and to hopefully inspire you to somehow take action as well, whether it is with this project or another.

If you have a minute, check out the blog Claire started and send some encouragement her way...  http://waters-rising.blogspot.com/

How soon we forget...

While we were on the retreat just two weeks ago, I had several thoughts and ideas I was praying through.. this morning one of them came to mind, and I realized how easy it is to know what you need & want to do and never do it.... 

Why do we do that!??

Oh yeah, life is soooo busy.

90 mph.

maybe 100.

too fast!!

I need more margins!

Yesterday Mark Batterson posted these wise words...

the most important thing 2 SCHEDULE is UNSCHEDULED time. u need margins 2 dream. more margins = bigger dreams. 

Such good words.

Time to make it happen.....

Happy dreaming! ♥

water reflections...

Jeremy and I got to go on a high school youth group retreat this weekend... Our good friend Dave invited J. to be the guest worship leader for the weekend, and let me just say it was special; totally refreshing and inspiring and all around wonderful!! --most retreats usually are wonderful and refreshing, I guess, and this one did not disappoint!:)

So, one of my favorite parts...

Saturday while I was taking in the awesome view at Longridge, I noticed the reflecting clouds and trees on the water... wow.

We see water-reflections all the time; we know it happens; it's a fact of nature. We even know it's pretty.

But I couldn't help but think: Couldn't God have just made water, land, trees, etc. just plain useful and purposeful?!

Of course, but He didn't...

He went and added Beauty!

He made water glassy and let it reflect the trees and heavens and our faces...

Just because He's good!? 
Just for fun so we could enjoy it all the more!?

Or maybe so we'd see the abundance and unnecessarily wonderful beauty of it all and let it point us to a Creator that must be Good to paint the surrounding landscape on the water just for our pleasure!

SHINE your light [so I can see you]...

David Crowder Band - SMS [Shine]

Recently I posted a link to this masterpiece and a blog post by David Crowder.. but I found the embed code and had to post it again because it's worth a whole 'nother post and the 3 minutes and 37 seconds of run-time.

Did I mention this is a masterpiece?

Seriously.

This sweet story makes me think of so many things -deaths in particular.. deaths that led to greater life/rebirth in those affected by them. (actually the ones that immediately come to mind are two miscarriages of mommies that are dear to me and when our friends lost their 12-wk old baby girl.) pure sadness. and somehow life and goodness comes. somehow rebirth happens out of death. it's surely the strangest mystery I know!

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds... (John 12:24)

And if you like it as much as I think you will, you should also consider watching how they made it!

♥ ♥

Love Wins.

These verses from 1 John, chapter 4 have captured my attention...

(10) This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins...

(12) No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

(18) There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

(19) We love because he first loved us.

In September J. and I had a sweet opportunity to catch up with Chip Judd (I blogged about a small part of our conversation then) but there's more; a lot more. And I've literally been processing it since then... Here are my notes from the meat of our talk:

Fear-- driven out by love

When we have fear, it's due to an absence of or insufficient amount of love.

(Does God love you? Yes. -Then what are you afraid of?)

God, help me learn to let You love me [rather than help me love you more].

We love Him
because
He
first
loved
us.

Normally we start with fear and go looking for love.
But it should be the other way around.

We should start with love
and go looking for fear
(to run it out).

The Designer's intent is that we live in a state of being/knowing His complete Love.

Do I do things to be loved?
Or do I do things out of Love?

---these words hit us hard that day. Like a sweet new revelation... like a secret we wish we'd known all along. We have talked, thought, and prayed that God would continue to teach us to receive and really know His love above and beyond anything else. I pray the same for you [and everyone I meet now] because His full Love is what changes things. It's what changes our hard hearts and stubborn wills. Love never fails (1Cor.13:8). {aka Love Wins}

Downtime reflection... (via Flickr)

JK Beach-visit 9/18 Originally uploaded by kimalford

Just re-discovering that I can blog straight from flickr... kinda cool. (I realized this once before when I had a Teach My People photo stream going, but it didn't stick)...

Enjoying a little more down time.... it's been a crazy week with Dad in the hospital. But as of today, three days and two stents later, he's home and healing!!

And Jeremy's been gone to Asheville all week (since Tuesday AM) for the Vineyard Worship Leaders' Retreat .... Miss him like crazy, but as he said on the phone last night, loving each other is so sweet, but it's nice to 'get it from the Source!' .....it sure is!! And I couldn't be more thankful for that!

I've been forcing allowing myself some good quiet / downtime this week, and it has really been excellent!

It's so easy to fill our days with what feels like love ... (for me it's messages, texts, conversations, and anything resembling a hug or a snuggle!).... not bad, but not what ultimately satisfies either.

This week I've been reminded of the importance of setting down the phone, iPod, computer, etc. and being still. listening. journaling. breathing. dreaming.......

It's kind of difficult to let God's love soak in sufficiently at 90 MPH. Truly, it's impossible.

And I really don't want to continue trying.

It's good to slow down.
Give, serve, cook, clean, work, play... and REST.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:28-29, NIV

Pretty sure it's the secret ingredient ...to Peace and Joy and knowing True Love (God's Love)!

Jesus said it Himself: Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. -John 15:4, ESV

......thanks for listening/reading as I reflect, if you made it this far ;)

Pray you enjoy some downtime too...... ♥

Ministry or Manipulation? [Big difference...]

J and I had a extraordinary time catching up with friend and mentor Chip Judd yesterday...

Some food-for-thought from our conversation:

Manipulation is giving for the sake of getting one's own need met... But Ministry is giving for the sake of meeting another's need. [period. No strings attached.]

Powerful thoughts [inspired by Don Miller]...

The concept of our lives as a story [via Donald Miller] is one of my favorite subjects to read about, consider, and test out...

Don says we're all characters telling stories with our lives...

But stories aren’t neutral. The stories we hear change the way we see life. Stories teach us what is worth pursuing, what is worth living for, what is worth sacrificing for. If we are a person that wants a volvo and is willing to work overtime to get it, than the moral of the story we are teaching the world is work hard and some day you’ll get a volvo. It’s not a bad story, but it’s not a good one, either. (Source: Can I Tell You A Story? blog post)

It's all just making me think... and think, and think, and think -about the story I want to tell with my life.. This morning I sat down and let myself dream a little with the "What If..." question he prompts us to ask in this post The Single Most Powerful Question You Can Ask...

What if you asked yourself a series of these questions? What if you got out a yellow pad and wrote down a few story turns that you could engage? What if you ran a marathon? What if you renewed your marriage vows? What if you quit your job? What if you brought home a puppy today? What if you and your family adopted a child?

Terrific exercise I think....

A few of my what ifs...
*What if I worked like I had confidence I was going to succeed? -(Q inspired by Doug Dorman)
*What if we spent some/all of our travel money and visited Steph in Thailand?
*What if we were a little more 'green'?
*What if I prayed in faith, and asked God for some pretty big stuff? -big like break-throughs for us and others...

*What if I sat still to listen each day -and willfully obeyed His promptings??

What 'what ifs' could you ask?
Which ones might be valuable story-turns worth pursuing?

Lessons from Toy Story 3, by Don Miller

Once again I find myself encouraged and spurred on by this guy!

...always talking about telling good stories with our lives, and how/why go for it... I just eat it up; hopefully you will too...

Words of wisdom from part 1 of 3:

"Clearly define your ambition, and clearly define what you have to overcome, and then go for it. The stuff that makes a great story also makes a great life."

Definitely some food for thought:

what's your ambition...

consider obstacles...

go.

You should probably check out all three Toy Story posts (pt.1, pt.2, pt.3)... I think it took me all of 20 minutes to read all three. :)

Devonte's smile...

This little guy has been stirring my heart & desire to make an impact since I met him two weeks ago!

Meeting Freedom Readers has stirred in me the passions that were at work when I was with Teach My People (Nov. 05-Jan. 09).

Devonte's inside-out shirt, shoeless feet, and joy-filled smile make me want to conquer the darkness and overwhelming obstacles that threaten his success!

How about you? ...Any mentor [or parenthood] experiences to speak of??

Who/what makes you want to conquer the world?